Fight For Your Marriage, Not with Your Spouse

Song of Songs 3:2 – I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves…

This is a series of selected excerpts from the new book “Real Romance: Sex in the Song of Songs”. To purchase the book, click here, and to access the sermon series that accompanies these devos and this book, click here.

What we witness throughout the Song of Songs is both the husband and wife are strong personalities. He is the King of Israel, and no one would ever dream of telling him what to do, rebuking him, doing most of the talking in his presence, or acting like a peer. His beloved, however, does those very things. Abbi is an incredibly strong person, the kind of wife he needs to have a healthy, loving marriage.

The truth is, we are both extraordinarily strong personalities with strong opinions. We have found that in marriage, strength is not a problem. Independence, however, is always a problem. When we operate independently of our spouse or, even worse, independently of our God, nothing good happens. This truth can be seen all the way back to the Garden where our first parents ruined their marriage and our human family by acting independently from God and one another, which is the cause for sin.

In this scene of the Song of Songs, we see that Solomon and Abbi are both acting independently. What started as flirting and time together ends with fighting and time apart. The key to a strong marriage is working with our God and spouse, especially when foxes show up in our marriage vineyard, to serve and forgive one another.

It might seem odd that a book of the Bible devoted entirely to the passions and pleasures of marriage reports not only flirting but also the pain of fighting. However, the Bible is the most honest book ever written, and every honest couple knows they are going to have some fights. The key is to learn how to fight for your marriage, rather than fighting with your spouse.

If you’re married, lovingly discuss any unhealthy habits you established before your marriage that may be negatively affecting your marriage now. If you’re not yet married, are there any unhealthy habits you can change prior to getting married?