Foxes in the Vineyard

Song of Songs 2:15 – “…Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”

When you first meet someone new that you find interesting and then move from friends to more than friends, and then again right after you get married, you’re in what people oftentimes refer to as the “honeymoon phase”. Everything that makes them different from you is interesting, fun, and unique.

At some point in every relationship, no matter how godly of a couple you are and how much you love each other, those things that make you different or unique can become the things that drive you the craziest about that person.

When Grace and I first started dating, I dressed up, was on my best behavior, used a breath mint before picking her up, and drove in a safe manner whenever she was in the car. Once you start to get more comfortable with a person, your differences can turn into your dislikes.

I love to be early while she’s ok with being late. I’m an introvert, she’s an extrovert and will hug people until there’s no more people to hug. I love to be organized and she’s ok with things, including schedule, being a little bit more random. I can oftentimes be impatient, but she is more patient. And the list goes on.

None of these things are inherently bad but the rules we create for our spouses can oftentimes turn to irritations. Ultimately, you have to realize that most things that irritate us are not a sin (or breaking God’s laws) but are instead going against our own manmade rules that we’ve added to the relationship.

As the Song of Songs refers to these squabbles in a relationship as “foxes” in the “vineyards”, it’s important to come together and ask God to help us both appreciate or learn from the differences in our spouses and change our way of doing things when it needs to be changed in order to be more loving in our most important human relationship.

What qualities in yourself or your spouse do you think needs to be addressed in order to move forward in a more healthy, happy, holy relationship together? If you’re not yet married, in what qualities can you get healthier to be a more loving, healthy spouse for your future marriage?