10 Aug “This began a long road of finding comfort in sex”
These testimonies are from real women with real life experiences who are sharing their stories to hopefully help encourage you and help you relate to their experiences.
I grew up Catholic only going to church for Easter, Christmas, and the occasional wedding or funeral. I made my first holy communion and confirmation (classes that Catholics take) but I never understood anything. To me, God was a judgmental old man that punished me when I screwed up. I had a very low image of myself, an absent father, a mother that barely engaged with me, and an older brother that was my best friend.
Around the age of 8 I remember finding a pornographic magazine. I had no idea what it was, but I remember a weird feeling coming over my body that was arousing and sickening at the same time, and then I started to explore my body. This began a long road of finding comfort in porn, self-pleasure, and sex.
Jesus came into my life at 15 while attending a drug and alcohol program with my older brother. A friend of his would burn sermons onto a CD from a couple of well known pastors I had never heard of. I said “the prayer of salvation” and was baptized. I didn’t have a regular church, so a couple years later I went back to what was familiar and what comforted me. I didn’t feel like I knew how to be a Christian and thought I was doing something wrong because I still had urges and temptation. I didn’t understand how to ask the Holy Spirit to help me resist the temptations (1 Cor 10:13). I was very promiscuous from age 18 until my late 20s. I slept with several men, (single, married, in relationships, it didn’t matter), I had a couple encounters with women, sometimes drugs and alcohol would be involved, and that was my counterfeit way of feeling happy, loved and worthy. I knew these feelings would leave me empty, lonely, full of shame, and dirty which the enemy used to keep my identity from being connected to Jesus.
I moved to AZ in 2015, got plugged into church in 2016 and served every Sunday. Then I met a man one night while at a restaurant. Our relationship was based on drinking, sex, cheating, and physical abuse. I stopped serving and attending church regularly. I felt trapped, frightened, ashamed, and couldn’t see a way out. I went to the midweek women’s group at church and when the pastor’s wife talked about her abuse, my tears started to flow. My table lead asked if she and the pastor’s wife could pray for me. I ended my relationship that night but not for good. It was after God showed and told me I am loved, I am redeemed, I am worthy, I am clean, and I am free, I finally felt it! My identity in Christ determines how I respond to attacks, past hurts, people, and my daily life in general. I used to want to do things that only satisfied and pleased me, now I want to do things that please my Father and bring glory to Him! Digging into the Word, attending church, serving, and having accountability and solid Christ-centered community has helped me immensely. While I’ll still continue to have struggles and temptations, I’m more equipped and know how to respond.
