24 May Honoring Our Wives & Daughters
– All right, welcome, guys. Hey, guys’ night out, right? Good to see you guys. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for the guys that are online. Next week’s gonna be our very last week for the semester, and my dad’s gonna be in town, Joe. So if Joe’s up for it, I’ll bring him in. I’ll bring my sons, maybe my son-in-law. We’ll have a little conversation and interview. You guys can meet my pops. Right now, what we’re gonna do is a little bit of an investigation. For those of you guys who are new, we’re going through a book of the Bible called Genesis, and we’re pulling leadership lessons and themes out for men. And what I wanna look at today are how men are supposed to treat women. And just think about the women in your life. So I’ve got my mom, I got my mother-in-law, I’ve got my sisters, I got my sister-in-laws, I’ve got two daughters, and Lord willing, someday I’ll have some granddaughters, which would be amazing, along with my wife. And so as men, we’ve got these women that are in our orbit and the question is, how do we treat them? How should we treat them? How do we see them? How should we see them? And so this question today is gonna be about honoring our wives and daughters. And so the problem for a man, and I wanna go right at an issue that’s probably gonna hit you guys a little bit in the soul. The problem in our culture is there is no paradigm for healthy male-female relationships. It’s just fractured and broken. The culture gives you really two options, feminism or chauvinism. And in either occasion, in feminism, the woman dominates the man. In chauvinism, the man dominates the woman. And so what you constantly have is this power struggle between not just men and women, but husbands and wives. And it is constantly this pressure. And so in generations past, it was more prevalent to have chauvinism, that the men were dominant, that they were domineering, they were overbearing, they were high controlling. They sort of had a lower, lesser view of women in general, but especially of their wife and their daughters. Well, then we get the ’60s, the ’70s, we get the sexual revolution, we get the counterculture. And then feminism says, no, no, no. The women are now gonna be domineering, overbearing of the men. We get whole degrees in women’s studies, we get marches, we get holidays. And it’s the backlash. Time for the boys to pay. How many of you are not enjoying these options? Amen. How many of you are a guy, you went to college and it was a totally feminist environment, and it was just a beat down on everything that is being a man. And so what can happen is then men counterbalance and they overreact the other direction. Well, I’m not gonna let some woman dominate me. I’m gonna dominate her. I’m not gonna let women dishonor men. I’m gonna dishonor women. So it can encourage the backlash of chauvinism. So in our culture right now, would you say that chauvinism or feminism is really winning in the culture? It’s feminism. I mean, just most of the television shows you watch, the dumbest person in the show is always-
– The guy.
– The guy. He’s the idiot. And if you watch a kids’ movie, the kid’s a genius, the mom’s not so bad, the family pet is a genius, and the dad’s an idiot. And so the kid and the pet save the family and rescue the dad. And so almost all of the cultural narratives and storylines, even in kids’ programming, dad’s an idiot, dad’s a problem, dad’s an imbecile, dad’s a goof. That’s just the way that it is. And that’s feminism sort of pushing down, putting down men and masculinity. Well, then the overreaction can be men getting sick of that and becoming chauvinistic. And so the
way that the Bible works is it tells us that we’re not made to be independent, but interdependent. We’ll get into all this in a moment. The two big problems in your marriage, and don’t raise your hand, but how many of you have had this conflict with your wife? Anybody ever had this, I’m in charge, no, I’m in charge. No, I’m in charge. No I’m in charge. It’s a conflict that shows up in your marriage. And the two big problems in marriage are, one, independence, and strength in a marriage is never a problem. It’s independence. We’re gonna deal with that in a moment where God says it’s not good to be alone. So if you have a strong wife, that’s great. My wife wouldn’t make it unless she was strong. I need a strong woman. I mean, just imagine putting up with this. And then all that comes with ministry and life and five kids. My wife Grace is a very strong personality, but she’s not independent. We’re both strong. Strength is never a problem. Independence, that’s the problem. And the problem as well becomes when we are independent, we’re prone to being domineering. And that means we’re overbearing. We’re high-controlling. Now, how many of you grew up in a home where mom or dad was domineering? How many of you all agree that’s not good? If you’re in a domineering home, it’s dad’s gonna win and mom’s gonna lose, or mom’s gonna win and dad’s gonna lose. And the problem is, they’re both acting independent. They’re not interdependent. They’re not working together, they’re ruling over. It’s a little bit complicated. But the Bible gives us a third way, and that is that women are equals, our wife is an equal, and we’re to honor our wives. So we’ll jump right in. Honoring women in general. Then God said, this is where we’ve been in Genesis. And you guys have been in Genesis with me. Genesis 1:26-27, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man,'” that’s mankind, in the Hebrew, it’s literally Adam, adom. So the reason that we don’t call the race humanity, we call it mankind, is ’cause God does. “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the heavens, over the livestock, and every creeping thing that creeps the along the earth.” What he’s saying here is that human life is uniquely sacred and valuable, and other animals don’t receive and bear God’s image. But we do. God created man or mankind in his own image. In the image of God, he created them. He created them how? Male and female. And so if you’re new, there’s boys and girls. We still believe that here. Amen? We have two restrooms, and you don’t get to pick which one is yours. God already did. If you have an Adam’s apple, go to the men’s room. Okay, this is all predetermined by God. And so God made us male and female in his image and likeness. What that means is men and women are equal. It means that we’re equal. Now, it doesn’t mean that we have all of the same strengths and weaknesses. It doesn’t mean that we have all the same biology and hardwiring. But the big idea is this, that ultimately the man and the woman are equals, both bearing the image and likeness of God. And this is where we get honor for women. We should have honor for all women ’cause they’re equally bearing the image and likeness of God. And so within this as well, this doesn’t allow chauvinism where the man rules over the woman. And it doesn’t allow feminism where the woman rules over the man. It allows marriage, partnership, friendship, unity. Like a left and a right hand, each has its own strengths and each contributes something unique, and together they are better. That’s the Bible’s third way. Now, let me tell you, when it comes to viewing women in general, many men, I don’t know about you men. This is a time for us to look at our own soul and ask, how do I see women? How do I see women? And there’s a couple of things that will completely cloud how a man sees women in general. So let’s see if you could guess a few of them. What do you think one of the things that’s
just gonna negatively re-hardwire a man’s brain so that he doesn’t accurately, biblically, healthily view women in general?
– Pornography. ‘Cause in pornography, women don’t have minds. They don’t have souls. They don’t have hearts. They just have bodies. And you don’t deal in pornography with a human being that has some sort of life and story, has some sort of gifts and aspirations, have some sort of hopes, dreams, and fears. Does pornography tend to increase how men view and honor women? No. In fact, if anything, it’s more based, it’s more animalistic, and it’s very dishonoring, disregarding, disrespectful to women. And let’s just be honest, that for every guy, pornography is a problem. It’s not a problem for two kinds of guys, dead guys and liars, it’s not a problem for them. But for all the other guys, it’s a struggle and a problem. But what it can do neurologically, it can re-hardwire your brain to where you no longer see a woman as the image and likeness of God, the goodness and glory of God, a unique design that has a soul that’s made for the Holy Spirit, that has a mind to be educated, that has a heart that feels emotions. It’s just reduced to a body that provides a certain pleasure and function. Second thing that poisons a man in general against women, let’s see if you can come up with one of the other ones.
– Their attitude.
– Sometimes it’s bitterness. If you have bitterness against any woman, it can cloud your view of all women. So if growing up you’re like, my mom was just awful, you just sort of paint all women with that brush of being awful. If your first, let’s say you had a horrible experience in a dating relationship, gal betrayed you, cheated on you, you’re like, I don’t trust women. Maybe you had a rough first marriage that ended in divorce, and it was just really brutal and it caused a lot of brokenness and it was just very painful. All of a sudden you’re just like, I don’t trust women, I don’t honor them, I don’t think that they’re worth the effort. I gave my whole heart to somebody, and the way they treated me is unforgivable. And once bitterness comes in, here’s the problem with bitterness. Bitterness doesn’t just affect the person who hurt you. It affects every person who’s in relationship with you. ‘Cause bitterness becomes a condition. And so if you have unforgiveness against any women in your life, this could be a sister, this could be a friend, this could be a spouse, this could be a mom, this could be a grandma, that bitterness could negatively affect how you view all women. And if you’re a single guy or a newly married guy, you may not understand the damage that this will cause when you have a daughter. ‘Cause if you just don’t like, trust, or honor women, and then God gives you a daughter, then she’s being raised by a man who doesn’t see her as he ought see her, and he can’t raise her as he ought raise her. Another reason that poisons men against women is weakness. True or false, women are weaker than men. See, you got nervous ’cause we’re-
– But it’s true. It’s true, this is why all this nonsense about men competing in women’s sports is
just nonsense and it’s abusive. So the Bible talks in the New Testament, it says to treat your wife as the weaker vessel. And what it’s talking about there is physically, men can overpower and intimidate women, true? See, most of us men, we don’t walk through our life feeling unsafe. As a guy, most of the time you’re like, ah, whatever. Go to your car, you go out, you do whatever. As soon as I got in a dating relationship with my wife Grace, I realized that she was very self-aware and self-conscious of her safety and her security and her environment. And you know, going out at night or going to certain places or going through the parking lot to her car, she felt ill at ease. As a guy, I never felt that. ‘Cause it was like, well, what if somebody attacks you? That’s a bad day for them. That’s what I think, right? I’m a guy. Like, I will take care of myself. But for her, she was aware that because of her physical stature, that she was more vulnerable. And so as men, most men can yell louder than their wife. Most men are physically more able to sort of impose themselves, it’s not right, but we can impose ourselves in a position where we’re always in the high position of strength and they’re in the weak position. When you’re in sports, what do you do with a weakness? You exploit it. If you’re in business, what do you do with a weakness? You exploit it. If you’re in the military, what do you do with a weakness? You exploit it. So we’re conditioned as men to find weaknesses and exploit them. The problem is, if you do that to your wife, you’re going to destroy your marriage. The weaknesses are not there to be exposed or exploited by you, but to be covered and protected by you. If you are physically stronger than your wife, that is to protect her, not to cause her to feel unsafe. If you’re emotionally a little tougher and more rugged, that is not to bully your wife, but to be strong to protect her from those who would want to do something negative or harmful emotionally to her. So our strengths are not given to exploit her weaknesses. Our strengths are given to protect her weaknesses, because if we’re one, by loving and preserving and cherishing our wife, we’re also blessing not only them, but ourselves and our marriage. So what happens for men, pornography, bitterness, and the exploitation of weakness causes men to not value and honor women in general as they should. And what makes it I think even harder for men is the culture we live in is usually very pejorative, very negative toward men. And so it can almost justify a bit of chauvinism. That’s not right, but we can self-justify saying, well, I’m totally dishonored out there. And this woman or these women in my life have not honored me as they ought, so I have a right to be a bit of a chauvinist, domineering, overbearing, dishonoring, disrespectful guy when it comes to women. So this being said, what I wanna do is I want to take this concept, and I wanna look at a few significant occasions in Genesis. Genesis 2, it talks about honoring wives. So this is the first wedding, first marriage before sin enters the world. So this is where it’s all good. And then it goes all bad. Genesis 2, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone.'” So true or false, men, it’s not good to be alone.
– It’s true. This is why guys get girlfriends and wives. And at some point, every guy’s like, you know what, this isn’t working, or I’m not doing okay, or I feel like part of me is missing. And so God says I’ll make a helper fit for him. Which means we need help. We’re not totally able to do all the things that God calls us to independently and on our own, okay? “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into the woman. He brought her to the man, the
man said,” so this is the first recorded words of any human being in all of history, it’s Adam. And his wife has had a big day. She just got made, created. She met God, and she’s going to her wedding naked. Okay, so she’s had a big day. So she’s gonna meet Adam, first guy, only guy. Does Adam really need to nail this? Yes. Otherwise there’s no’s, it’s like, there’s one girl. This is like you went to a really small school, right? Like there’s you and one girl. You’re like, I better make this work. This is all I got. So he better nail this. This is it at last, so he sings a song. It rhymes in the Hebrew. “Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman,” it’s a leadership role, “because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his mother and father, hold fast to his wife, and they shall become,” what, “one.” So here’s the way it works. Here’s Adam, he’s perfect, he’s got a perfect relationship with God, he’s in a perfect environment. God says everything is good, but God says, you know what? All by yourself,
you’re not good. Can’t multiply, increase the number, do all the things I’ve called you to do. It’s not good to be alone. In addition, you need help. You need help. You need a helper. You need somebody alongside of you that is going to complement you. They’re gonna be strong where you’re weak and vice versa, and you’re gonna be better together. So then God makes the first woman out of the rib, which means she comes from the side. So where does she belong? There. Again, in the culture, feminism, the woman’s out here, the man’s behind. This is where you get sort of cowardly, passive, timid men who are like, my wife’s a strong personality, I’m kind of scared of her. I just let her go and just try to stay out of her way. And I golf a lot and hunt a lot and fish a lot and drink a lot and cry a lot, you know, and hope for the best, okay? But then in chauvinism it’s no, no, no. You get back there. I’m the leader. I’m in charge. I’m the boss. I tell you what to do. Keep your distance, stay in your place. And if you’re one of those guys who wants to lead your family, that’s not it. It’s good to lead your family, but that’s not it. Instead she comes from the side, so where does she belong? Right here. This is what the culture doesn’t understand or allow. Who’s gonna be in charge? And the answer is the Lord. Okay, if you don’t know the Lord, then one of you needs to be the Lord. Well, we need somebody in charge here. The woman’s like, I got it. The man’s like, I got it. And then we have what’s called America. Right? And it’s just a total disaster. And what God says is no, no, no. You’re equals. You’re both made in image and likeness. I’m gonna take the woman out of your side ’cause this is where she belongs. Not a chauvinist where he’s ahead. Not a feminist where she’s ahead. Believers together. And then they get married, they come together, and they’re supposed to be one. And here’s what it is. It’s not which one, it’s a new one. It’s not him looking at her saying, well, you just need to be like me. And it’s not vice versa where then he looks at her and says, oh, no, no, no. What happens in a bad marriage, the husband is told by the wife, you need to be like me. And the wife tells the husband, no, no, you need to be like me. And the issue is, it’s not which one, it’s a new one. Okay, who are we now? And for you newly married guys, any guy who’s been married for more than 15 minutes will tell you that there’s a bit of an art to this. Okay, like, okay, so how do we do our budget? How do we do our schedule? How do we do our diet? How do we do our life? How do we do our sexuality? Like it’s not me controlling you, and it’s not you controlling me. It’s you serving me and me serving you, and the two of us learning to be one and doing life side by side, equally bearing God’s image and respecting and valuing one another, okay? So let me ask this. How many of you guys want your daughter to be married to a chauvinist? Anybody? Right. And therefore you should not want God’s daughter, your wife, to be
married to a chauvinist. A lot of times guys get very angry at men who treat their daughters the way they treat God’s daughter. Okay, and if you’re gonna have a holy, healthy marriage in which there’s a good environment for sons and daughters to grow up and learn how to have healthy marriage relationships, it has to be this alongside, friends, working things out together. Well, what happens then, this is the prototype in Genesis. So let’s look at a few case studies. Genesis 20, verse 13. So this is Abraham. So now we’ve moved from Adam and Eve to Abraham, and we’re looking at generational case studies on marriage and family and how men treat their wives and daughters. So here they are headed into Gerar. Previously in Genesis 12, Abraham and his wife Sarah were entering into Egypt. Now they’re ran entering into Gerar. As he’s on the precipice of entering these two different nations, he realizes his wife is beautiful and they’re probably gonna want to kill him and take his wife. So here’s his plan. “When God calls me to wander from my father’s house, I said to her,” he said to his wife, “This is the kindness you must do to me. At every place to which we come say of me, ‘He is my brother.'” Question, is he valuing his wife? Not at all. What we’re seeing here twice with Abraham, and we looked at it last week, it’s gonna happen with his son in Genesis 26. Meaning if we don’t view women rightly, and if we don’t treat our wives with honor, we raise generations that follow the pattern and do the same thing. This is why oftentimes sort of a chauvinistic dad raises a chauvinistic son. You know, hey, girls are good for sleeping with. It’s like scoring points in a game. Go get ’em, son. The more points on the board, atta a boy. And he grows up to be that guy. And then he raises his sons to be that guy. And it becomes a generational pattern and curse. And so what happens here, Abraham, he has a few choices. One, we can go into Egypt or Gerar, and as a man, I’m gonna get in the middle, and I might have some conflict and a fight on my hands, and I might pay a price. Is that a noble thing? Yeah. The other option is don’t go to Egypt, don’t go to Gerar. He’ll be like, hey honey, when we get there, it’s gonna be terrible. It’s like, well then why go? Find another option. The third choice is go and let your wife pay the price for any potential pain. Is that a noble thing? No. In these two occasions, Abraham is failing as a husband to honor his wife. He’s the stronger one, but what he does is he hands over the weaker one, his wife, to a man who’s very strong. In both occasions it’s a king. And God only knows what they’re gonna do to some foreign woman who has no legal rights as a member of their harem. But there’s something in this decision where Abraham does not really, truly cherish and honor his wife. He does not see her as an equal. And he does not consider her life as important or valuable as his. Now, God intervenes both times because God disagrees with Abraham. That’s the big idea. Can’t just look and say, well, Abraham, you know, he hated his wife, too. I’m biblical. You know, you can’t do that. Because God gets involved and he saves her. Because it’s not just Abraham’s wife, it’s God’s daughter. And Abraham doesn’t honor his wife, but God shows up as a father to honor his daughter. And in both occasions, he rescues Sarah. It’s God’s way of saying, hey, that’s not how you’re supposed to treat her. This is really significant as we’re raising you men
up, and it’s an honor to have you here, and it’s a tremendous honor to teach. It’s incumbent for all of us just to search our own heart and say, how do I view women in general? And how do I view my wife? You know, do I lean more toward feminism, where I’d be that coward passively guy who just kinda lets her say and do whatever she wants and just sort of try to stay outta the way? Or am I more that domineering, chauvinistic guy, to where I probably wouldn’t hold her in the regard or give the, you know, I wouldn’t open my ears to her advice, I probably am not going
to consider her needs or thoughts or feelings. How many of you guys would trend more toward feminism, that would be your default, okay? How many of you more toward chauvinism? Okay, we’re not even gonna ask what mine would be. We all know, right, I mean, if I’m going to err, I know in which direction I will err. So I need to be self-aware and conscious of that, especially in regards to my wife. Now, here’s the problem. If you don’t honor women in general, and then you don’t honor your wife, this also, true or false, affects how you relate to your daughters. It does. This is one of the most horrifying stories in Genesis. So this is another guy, Lot, it’s Abraham’s nephew. Genesis 19:14, Lot went out, so what happens is he’s in Sodom and Gomorrah, sexually perverted, totally confused, pride month, rainbow flag, just craziness going on. Jesus and two angels show up to get him out. A mob of men who are perverted encircle the house. They bring their sons, which is just horrifying. And they demand that Jesus and the two angels be released for sex, probably sexual assault. So Jesus shows up and they’re like, let’s sleep with him. I mean, that’s how gone these people are. So they’re in Lot’s house. “So Lot went out and said to his son-in-law, who were to marry his daughters, ‘Up, get out of this place, for the Lord is about to destroy the city,’ but he seemed to his sons to be jesting.” So here’s the big idea. First and foremost, he’s got two daughters. They are engaged to guys that are, question, believer or unbeliever? Unbeliever. Lot shows up and he says, hey, boys, listen to me. You need to follow me. What do they do? They laugh at him. Are these good men? No. When God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah, these two guys who are engaged to his daughters, they don’t make it out alive. God destroys them ’cause they’re part of the sick culture of Sodom and Gomorrah. Question is, how did Lot take his two daughters and hand them to guys who don’t even know the Lord and don’t respect him as their father? So when he even comes and makes an urgent request, they just laugh at him. It shows to me that Lot didn’t highly value his daughters. So as men, we’ve gotta ask, do I value women? Do I value my wife? Do I value my daughters? And who am I letting my daughters be friends with, date, get engaged to, sleep with, marry? Okay, he doesn’t lead in this regard. And then we see his heart, and this is terrifying.
And I know that this is a hard word. Let me say this, soft words produce hard men. Hard words produce soft men. And I’m not trying to yell at you, I’m not angry, I’m not none of that. But like if all you ever get is you’re great, you’re doing a great job, you’re doing awesome, eventually your heart gets hard. When you get some hard words and you’re like, okay, I really gotta examine my heart and my soul here, what it can do, it can soften your heart. So sometimes hard words in the ear, they produce a soft heart in the soul. But listen to this. So he goes out to the angry mob of men surrounding his home. “Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and you do to them as you please.” How do you think it feels to be Lot’s daughter at that second?
– Not that good.
– Angry men around the house. They all wanna have sex with Jesus and the angels. What are you gonna do, dad? I’m gonna give you to them. What are they gonna do? Well, whatever they want. Does Lot, I’m gonna ask the obvious question. Does Lot have any honor for his daughters? No. Okay, so here’s the big idea. We gotta be very careful who we hand our daughters to. Be very careful. Okay, can’t just let some guy choose. And if the wrong guy shows
up, you can’t be that passive guy who’s like, well, I don’t do conflict, so here, take my daughter. Abraham doesn’t honor his wife. Lot doesn’t honor his daughters. And this had to be so profoundly traumatizing to the daughters. Okay, what could or should Lot have done? He could’ve died trying. He could’ve died trying. Instead, like Abraham, it’s like, uh-oh, somebody’s gonna get hurt. Let’s put the woman out there. You see this? Oh, somebody’s gonna get hurt. Let’s send Sarah. Oh, somebody’s gonna get hurt. Let’s send Sarah again. Oh, somebody’s gonna get hurt. Let’s send the daughters. Let’s get them broken. A daughter sees herself through her father’s eyes. Daughters get their courage and confidence from their father. Now, sometimes they get a lot of their emotional health from their mother, but they get their courage and confidence because they see themselves through the eyes of their father. If there’s anything in you that doesn’t see her, your daughter and/or your wife, and part of it is too, how you see your wife, your daughters are watching that, and they think that’s how you see women, not just mother. And your sons are watching that. And if you don’t honor your wife, then they’re not gonna honor their mother, which is gonna make her job hard as their mother. And if you don’t honor their mother, they’re not gonna grow up and honor women. And they could even end up with some dishonorable women, or they could end up with honorable women that they dishonor. Daughters see themselves through their father’s eyes. In this moment, it is the most horrific moment for these girls, because under pressure and duress, they finally know what their dad really thinks about them. And it is, you are disposable. In addition, a father establishes the baseline of expectations for men. Okay, your daughter, however you treat her, she will assume that that’s a healthy relationship with a guy, which then sets a baseline for dating, engagement, and marriage. If you’re the dad who’s like, I love her, I cherish her, I honor her, I take her out on daddy dates, I’m appropriately physically, you know, snuggle, kiss, affection with her, hold her hand, then she thinks that’s normal. And if a guy comes along and he’s dishonoring, it’s like, no, that’s not how we do this. And I don’t even know if I wanna say this. So I was talking with a guy. It was some time ago. He was an older guy, like my age, and he’s got daughters that are around my age. And I said, “So tell me about your family.” Said, “I’ve got sons, I’ve got daughters.” Said, “Tell me about your sons.” He kind of beamed, he’s like, “Oh, one’s in the military, one’s an athlete, he’s in college, doing great.” I said, “Tell me about your daughters.” He said, “Oh,
they’re hot.” I was like, what the? And he didn’t get it. I said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, if that’s how you see your daughters, what’s that doing to your daughters?” And what that tells them is there’s only one thing about me that has any value. And the rest of me is just disposable. I mean, dude had a porn brain. His fantasy was his daughter, so his daughter was hot, and so he was bragging that he had hot daughter. You and I live in this completely broken world where women dishonor men, and it’s now like sport. It’s like a national pastime. The response is not for God’s men to act like chauvinists, to dishonor women, to dishonor our wives, and to dishonor our daughters, but to have the father’s mind and the father’s heart say, okay, this wife, this woman, this daughter, that’s your daughter, that’s the father’s daughter, made in the same image and likeness of me. My job is not to war or be bitter, but to serve and to love my wife and my daughters, to set an example for my sons on how they should treat their wives, for setting an example for my daughters on how their husband should treat them. And then we could have generations of health and unity and marriage, could raise sons and daughters in a healthier environment. But I’m seeing this theme as we get into Genesis, and
it’s so Lot’s a believer, Abraham’s a believer, but the way that they’re treating the women, true or false, it’s not good. It’s not good. It’s not good. I’m a strong guy. Heterosexual, alpha. But the answer is not chauvinism. The answer is not domineering. The answer is masculine strength, like Jesus, that is tender with wives and daughters and is tough for wives and daughters. So Abraham should’ve went to war twice for Sarah, and Lot should’ve went to war for his daughters. And with Sarah, Abraham should’ve been super kind and gentle and sweet and loving and kind. And Lot with his daughters should’ve been super affectionate, present, loving, and kind. A man who is a bit of a passive man, he’s always tender and a lamb, and he’s never a lion and tough. A guy who’s only chauvinist, domineering, disregarding of women, he’s always a lion, he’s never a lamb, so he is very harsh and domineering and boorish with his wife and with his kids and with his daughters. If you’re like Jesus who’s a lion and a lamb, you’re gonna be really tough for them. You’re gonna have the conflicts. You’re gonna get in the middle. You’re gonna tell the teenage boy, hey, you guys are breaking up. I’m dumping you. I’m her dad. We’re done. You’re done. Okay, and then go home and hold her and love her and pray over and forgive her and cherish her and honor her and make sure that you capture her heart. I really want you men to just examine your own heart and to invite the Holy Spirit to examine your own heart. How do you view women? How do you view your wife? How do you view your daughters? And then these will be the awkward discussions around your table. Were you raised leaning more chauvinist or feminist? Right, ’cause for you, you may be just continuing that or overreacting to it. Number two, do you lean more chauvinist or feminist? And then lastly, how can you be or prepare to be a better husband and father, a better husband and father? I’ll close with a story that just comes to mind. I’ve shared it before. I’ll share it again. Some years ago when my oldest daughter Ashley was little, maybe I don’t know, 8, 10, 12, we were on vacation, and there was a pool, so she wanted to go swimming. “Hey, Daddy, can I go swimming?” “Yeah, let’s go swimming.” So I take her swimming and we’re in the pool, and I’m flipping her and she’s splashing. And this gal, maybe probably teens, comes to the pool not wearing nearly enough. And she’s got two boys, one on each arm, and she’s kind of strutting, jumps in the pool. The boys go to two different corners of the pool, and she’s in the middle of the pool. She kind of flirts with one and then flirts with the other. And it’s like, she can’t decide which one to go to. So then she swims over to one boy, wraps her legs around him, starts making out with him. It’s really awkward. And then she swims to the other side of the pool, wraps her legs around the other boy and starts making out with him. I’m in the pool with my daughter. My daughter is just like, what is going on? My daughter swims over to me, and she whispers in my ear. She’s like, “Daddy.” I said, “Yeah, honey?” She said, “Did you see that?” I said, “Yeah.” I said, “What do you think about that?” She said, “I think she has a terrible daddy.” Father, thanks that we get to share your name. You are a Father. And God, thank you that you share your name with us. God, I pray for all of us. If we’re those timid men, those passive men, we just, we think more like feminists and we just let our wife or our daughters just say and do whatever they want, and we just have fear of man and we stay out of the way and we just suffer in silence and we avoid the conflict and we just, we’re so frustrated, but we just don’t say or do anything ’cause we’re scared. I pray, God, for wisdom to have a conversation to work toward unity and oneness. Not conflict, not division, not controlling, not abusing, not domineering, but connecting and loving and unifying. For those of us, Lord, who are more lions, we’re more prone to be overbearing, domineering, selfish, bitter,
maybe we’ve been hurt, maybe the women that we opened our heart and our life to really betrayed us, and as a result, there’s something in us that’s really bitter. God, maybe it was mom, maybe it was ex-wife, maybe it was cheating girlfriend. Nonetheless, God, the women in our life are not getting the best version of us either. And they consider us to be unsafe because we could be stronger physically, we could be stronger verbally, we could be stronger emotionally. God, this world is so broken. And so much of it is just this battle between men and women. And so God, I pray that we would have your heart, Father, to see women as image-bearers, equal in every way, that we would honor our wife, that it’s not good to be alone, that she’s very helpful and we need her and we’re better together, and that her strengths are to complement us, and her weaknesses are to be covered by our strengths. And God, I pray for the daughters. I just have a burden tonight that the daughters would be able to see themselves through the eyes of their fathers, and that what they would see is a man who cherishes his daughter, who loves his daughter, who delights in his daughter, who believes the best in his daughter, that has grace for his daughter, that has generosity for his daughter, and is willing to be tough to protect her when needed, but is always willing to be tender so that she’s safe with him. And God, I pray that the kind of marriages that we have and the kinds of daughters that we raise would be supernatural, that they would be countercultural, that they would be different. And Lord God, in a world that only knows one of two ways, the man is in charge or the woman is in charge, just pray that we would live with the women in our lives under your authority and that you would be in charge. In Jesus’ good name. Amen.